Crush - why is it so hard?

It's been long since I've posted... I have exactly two reasons for it:

One, I've been busy with all the school work.
Two, I like to procrastinate... A LOT. And this is something I would like to fix pretty soon!

Well, luckily, I have a four-day weekend until Monday! Although my teachers still gave out homework, I still have more time than usual.

I'm glad I'm not in school for the next few days, but if there's one thing that I miss about it is... my crush. He actually lives pretty near, but I never see him around. (Don't worry, I'm not a stalker or anything. My friend lives in the same apartment building as him, so that's why I know where he lives. Just making sure.)

To describe my crush, I would say he's perfect. Too perfect.
I think that's what makes it harder for me to ever talk to him, or even say hi to him. And I'm not the only one who has a crush on him. I bet every single girl in my school has a crush on him. I even heard the boys talking about how good-looking he is - they are not gay, either.

Anyways, my point is, he's THAT guy that everyone finds attractive. And I'm obsessed with him. But it didn't start out like that. At first, when I first saw him in the hallways, I thought he's pretty good looking and that was it. And later, when our eyes met for the first time, I was like, wow, he's really, really, really good looking. And again, that was it. Then, those feelings grew bigger, and it led to all this.

When I saw him again in my orchestra, I tried to look calm outside, but I was going mad inside. And my feelings grew even bigger when he talked to me. So this is what happened:

I was practicing for my audition for orchestra, and he just came up to me and asked, "Can I hear you?" First, I freaked out. Second, I had to say something. So I did - "Uh sure, but I'm terrible. Eh.. Okay I'll just..." and I started playing. Luckily, I didn't have to play the whole thing because it was my turn to go play for the actual audition. I quickly told him I had to go, and I bolted out the room, without looking back. Except, I couldn't "bolt" out the room with my instrument, but yeah, you get the idea.

Here's the best part: when I came back, he gave me thumbs up, and of course I blushed but I still managed to smile at him. Slightly awkward-smile, though. And he didn't move back to his seat(he was probably bored because he didn't know anyone there), so we started talking. I asked him where he was from, and I found out a few things about him - what grade he is in, and that he's "American-Korean"(that's what he said). He then talked little bit about something else, and we were interrupted by someone. When she was gone, our conductor had came back and he had to go back to his seats.

Afterwards, we started saying hi to each other in the hallways, but other than that, we didn't get a chance to talk. Well, there were a few. I just couldn't do it. Shame on me.
I started obsessing over him because we didn't get to talk after we talked in orchestra, and it just made me more desperate to see him. And the next stage came: rage.

I saw him with a girl, and there was this one, particular girl that he hung out with. They ate lunch together, talked a lot, hung out after lunch... Obviously, I was irritated. I hated her. And I hated him for hanging out with her. And I hated myself for letting myself obsess over a guy. In conclusion, I ended up hating those two, but mostly myself. This led to the next stage, where I didn't admit that I liked him, and I kept denying it. It went for a few hours, possibly a day, but it didn't last too long.

Do I like him now?

YES. I secretly go on to Facebook, and I open my messenger in attempt to say hi to him, but I usually delete it. And go on again, repeat the same process. But in the end, I close the tab and try to distract myself.

Having a crush on someone is extremely painful, especially when you sort of have the idea, or an absolute idea that they don't feel the same way as you do. You keep hoping that he likes you back, but reality is, they don't. Or maybe they do, but my case has been pretty much the opposite. Now I've been through this several times, but I honestly don't think there's a solution. You like him, then you like him. You don't, then you don't. It's that simple. But, I can tell you this. Not admitting your true feelings for your crush doesn't make it any better. It only worsens the pain.

Not to worry though, because there are good parts about having a crush on someone. If he's in your school, there's one thing that makes you want to go to school. And, they make you smile. When you are having a bad day, just picture him. I'm pretty sure it will draw a big smile on your face :) Just thinking about that makes you feel better.

Having a crush isn't so bad. It's rather lucky and fortunate that you've found someone that you love, and that there's person who can put smile on your face just by thinking about them. And hopefully, your crush likes you back, but even if they don't, there's nothing to worry about. More than half of this world's population are men. They are the ones who should be worrying, not us!

xoxo,

Abby

Embarrassing Moments.

I'm usually not that awkward with people - In fact, I'm really good with people. I try hard to make a good impression, but once you become close with me, I no longer will try... but my point is, I'm socially good with people, except boys - boys I have a crush on. I guess I feel uncomfortable around my family, unless that is my parents, but boys are different. They are quite magical, actually, because every time, you make a full of yourself. The more you try to be careful, the more you'll embarrass yourself. I'm pretty sure I'have had about thousands of those, counting the ones I probably didn't recognize. I swear to God, I'm sure of this because every time I'm around my crush, I go slightly crazy, and extra loud. And we are talking about me, here. Not just a normal person, but me. I picked a few of my embarrassing moments, and some of the recent ones as well, so I hope I make your day by making fun of myself. Wait a moment. I'm telling people on the internet about my embarrassing moments, whom I've never even met in my life and embarrassing myself even more? Oh, the irony. I don't really mind, plus, this is the least I can do for you readers out there. I have posted exactly two blogs. Yep, two since this January. I'm really, really sorry, but I hope this will make it up.

This takes me back to 4th grade. I think this might have been my first crush. We lived in the same apartment, but not the same building. His apartment was right next to the apartment swimming pool. One time, I had just learned how to ride two-wheel bike, and of course I wanted to impress him, so I wore my pink helmet, and "casually" rode my bike. When I finally came close to his house, I ended up falling, and as my bike fell it crashed into the fence surrounding the swimming pool, and made a huge noise. My crush came outside, probably because of the noise that I had made, and he saw me, blushed and embarrassed. I awkwardly said hi, and quickly dragged my bike until he couldn't see me anymore.

This next episode was also in 4th grade, about the same crush. The school year was coming to an end, and it was getting warmer. Before class started, I ran into him, and I realized he was wearing a sweatshirt on top. Of course I had to make a comment, because I wanted to get his attention. I told him, "You look hot." He stared at me for a moment, but at the moment, I didn't realize what was wrong about it. Then, a few of my classmates began to tease me, and I still hadn't got why they were doing so. When I eventually did, I tried to tell them I meant it as "weather hot", not "that kind of hot", but to no avail, they did not listen. Nor did my crush. But, at least it wasn't my fault.

I've had a crush on a guy for three years. I fell in love with him in 5th grade, but not anymore. In 7th grade, my friends and I played Truth or Dare, and my dare was to ask my crush out. Since we are talking here, I actually pretended as if I didn't want to, but secretly, I've been wanting to ask him out for a long time. I kind of figured he wouldn't say yes, still I wanted to know his feelings toward me. So it happened: I bought a drink, and wrote a short note that said, "Come back to tennis!"(He and I used to play tennis together after school), but I never got a reply from him... I was anxiously waiting for it every single day, so when I went to school and found out there was no letter, or whatsoever, I told my friends I didn't get a reply, in front of him. This was all part of my plans. I wanted him to hear me, that I'm waiting. Now that I think of it, I was naive, and dumb. It's so embarrassing, though it's been two years since that happened.

This story is the most recent one, it actually happened a few days ago. During this summer, I came to study at Boston, and at my camp, there was one guy who was incredibly nice. He was nice to everyone. Without even knowing his name, I started to have a crush on him. One time, I met him on the way to the bathroom, and because I wanted to go back to the class with him, I hurried out. I did meet him outside, but here's a catch. I hadn't zipped up my pants. Thankfully, I realized pretty quickly. I'm not sure if he has seen it, he probably has. Afterwards, checking my pants sort of became a habit for me. God, how embarrassing is that.

I wish none of these would have happened, but then I wouldn't have a story to tell, and I can laugh about it now, hopefully. I know I did miss the deadline, because it's already past 12, but I was writing an essay, so I suppose I have an excuse this time.

xoxo,

Abby

Magnificent Monday: Notebooks!

I've been thinking about doing the Magnificent Monday series, except I know, it's a terrible name. I'll come up with something better, hopefully. If you have any suggestions, feel free to leave it in the comments below! So, anyways, this week's Magnificent Monday are..... Notebooks! I know what you're thinking, "Seriously, notebooks? How exciting can that be?" But, maybe not this one. Yesterday, I went to Target, because it is the best place in the world(DUH.), and I was just looking at some "back to school" stuffs, since I only have two weeks of break. I still can't believe my school starts in August - early August. Despite the fact that I have to go to school in two weeks, guess what I ran into, these two notebooks!

Both of these are from Knock Knock, and I'm not exactly sure if these are the only two notebooks from their series, but these were the ones I found at target! I was actually in a big rush when I was getting these, so there could have been more. For more information, just check their site: 

http://knockknockstuff.com/?gclid=CLrp0pqi6b8CFStk7Aod_0cAwg 

Matches my nail color :) 

The purple one is  the I CAN'T SLEEP notebook, "a journal for passing the time when insomnia strikes", and this is just perfect when you can't fall asleep. And because I often cannot sleep easily at night, because I have a lot on my mind, or I'm just not too tired, this is a great way to kick off time before finally closing your eyes. There are quotes on the left from C.S. Lewis, Charles Dickens, Victor Hugo, and many other infamous people, and on the right is where you can write about why you can't sleep tonight. I actually filled on one out last night, and it's almost like a diary. And I mostly just write about my worries, and what's on my mind. I found it really helpful for me to organize my thoughts before going to bed, especially because I'm a stress thinker, and it 

clears your mind, and prepares you for deep, relaxed sleep. 

Don't you just love the design of this notebook?

The orange one is MY PET PEEVES notebook, "a journal for nitpicking the endlessly irritating panoply of infractions ". Can I just say, how stress-relieving this book is. This is exactly what I needed. Just like the book says, life sure can be annoying, and how do relieve it? I normally don't. Maybe I'll bang my head in the wall, but that is just too painful, for both me and the wall. My point is, this is all you need. Just like the purple book, this one also has a quote from various people on the left page, and on the right is where you can write why you are peeved today. One of my favorite quote from this book is by Ellen DeGeneres, god I love her, but her quote is hilarious. Listen to this, "Golden Delicious apples. Where do they get off naming their apples that? That's a little immodest, isn't it? What if I called myself "Incredibly Attractive Ellen?" 

Here's more shots of the inside of the notebook: 

Hope you don't mind my terrible skills of taking pictures...

Each book costs $10, and on my standards, I normally don't spend $10 for a notebook, I would just get something around $2 or $3, but I say it's pretty worth it. It's fun, and it's something I have't seen before. And what I love the most about it is you don't feel pressured writing them. Diaries are the hardest things to keep up. I would miss writing it for months, and then I would write it for a few days, and it'll be lost again. But these, you write because you want to write. Trust me, this is a must in your stressful, demanding life. And even if it isn't - even if you are having the best time of your life, a little book couldn't hurt you. Besides, even if you are having the best time of your life, something always gets in the way. I've been there. 

xoxo,

Abby

P.S. I realized no one has ever, ever called me Abigail. But then again, who would want to go through the pain of saying three syllables? 

Current Situation.

Right now, this is what my blog looks like.... Drafts...

I'm writing, though. I promise.

God, I'm a horrible blogger.

Every Sunday. I promise.

Since I haven't been posting anything after my short introduction... I came up with a plan.

From now on, I'll be posting every Sunday, and yes, there will be times then I won't be able to, but I will do my best. That's really all I can tell you guys(if anyone's reading this). 

Just wait for this Sunday ;) 

*I'll be posting Sunday in Korea time, which means that if you live in the states, it's probably Saturday night, or midnight... I'm not really sure how the time works, but hope it works out well for all :) 

Love, 

Abs 

Being a Chameleon.

Hi there! (what a cheesy start...)
Right, so, first thing's first - Welcome to my blog!
In complete honesty, I created this blog last year, and I just have bunch of drafts saved and I haven't posted anything! What a horrible blogger - I'm embarrassed to call myself a blogger.
Anywho, I've decided to start my blog, which should have been August 7th, 2013, but here I am finally with my first, OFFICIAL blogpost on March 20th, 2014!

Let me just briefly introduce myself and tell you guys about what this blog is about, how I came to create it :)
My name is Abby and my last name is...................... let me give you a hint, I'm Korean.
Yes, I'm Korean! But currently I'm attending an international school here at Korea, so I speak English. Actually, I only lived in the states less than a year while I was in fourth grade. It was a massive, massive change for me, regarding the language, environment, friends, just much about everything. The first day of school in the states was... well, it wasn't too bad, just the fact that I could not speak English at all. I knew a few lines, like "Hi", "How are you?", "Bye", but other than that, I was completely "mouthless"(funny story here, not about the first day, but the word "mouthless"... I actually googled the word to see if was a real word. Since Merriam Webster tells me it is, I guess "mouthless" is a word. Thanks Merriam!) Anyways, back to my story, on the second day, surprisingly, I had the courage to ask two girls, named Ally and Libby if I can play with them. I believe my exact words were "Can I play with you guys?" I don't even know how I said that.. I guess I picked on a few lines on the first day? I honestly have no idea. They soon became my best friends and I still keep in touch with Ally, but unfortunately, I haven't heard from Libby, and she probably hand't heard from me either, so I'm in no position to blame her. Hopefully she'll see this :) After my fourth grade year passed(I attended fourth grade in the states), I had to come back to Korea... I didn't want to come back, but I didn't have any choice back then. Leaving my apartment, friends, and school behind, I left the states, and came to Korea. I stayed in my grandparent's for a few weeks, because the international school I was applying to was much near my grandparent's than my house. And yes, it is the same school that I'm attending right now(they have all elementary, middle, and high school, and I'm planning on attending high school here as well!) I got in, and it was probably the best day of my life, because there's a long story that I'll probably share sometime later, so keep up with my blog :)

Now, I'm still in middle school, and soon I'll be in high school...I'm terrified... a LOT. I'm not joking. If you have tips for me to "survive" high school, please, PLEASE LET ME KNOW. I would truly appreciate it!
Well that was just loads about my fourth grade year 'till today, but hope you guys enjoyed listening to a boring story of mine :)

Blog time!
The reason I created this blog was I've always wanted to have a blog. My first blog was going to be about beauty/fashion related, but then I thought I honestly don't know much about it, and didn't know where to start. I deleted that one a long ago, and created another one, titled "Be a Chameleon, Not a Butterfly"! But you know what though, I'll occasionally post my OOTD aka Outfit Of The Day if you guys request it, and maybe do a haul as well!

About this blog....... it's title is "Be a Chameleon, Not a Butterfly". This was the title of my essay about "This I believe", and I actually found this statement, quote, however you want to call it, while I was reading a blogpost, and I must have really liked it :) to put it on my blog, and my essay title. So, thank you, whoever came up with it :) The statement inspires me to be on my own, and don't let other people get in your way, and finally to live my life, not others. This is really all this blog is about, well I cannot make any promises though... I'm not a very good conformist.

I guess it's time to close my intro and make this my first, ever official post on my blog! Wow!
(To be honest, I don't feel that exiting as I may sound like because it's already 1 in the morning...)
Well I'm off to bed now(I stayed studying for a big test and also "some" procrastination......)!
Hope you guys enjoy reading my blog, thank you!

4.1.2014. (April Fool's Day! Whopee! But no worries, this is real.)
Abby _____(if you want to guess my last name, please leave it in the comments section!)