It's been long since I've posted... I have exactly two reasons for it:
One, I've been busy with all the school work.
Two, I like to procrastinate... A LOT. And this is something I would like to fix pretty soon!
Well, luckily, I have a four-day weekend until Monday! Although my teachers still gave out homework, I still have more time than usual.
I'm glad I'm not in school for the next few days, but if there's one thing that I miss about it is... my crush. He actually lives pretty near, but I never see him around. (Don't worry, I'm not a stalker or anything. My friend lives in the same apartment building as him, so that's why I know where he lives. Just making sure.)
To describe my crush, I would say he's perfect. Too perfect.
I think that's what makes it harder for me to ever talk to him, or even say hi to him. And I'm not the only one who has a crush on him. I bet every single girl in my school has a crush on him. I even heard the boys talking about how good-looking he is - they are not gay, either.
Anyways, my point is, he's THAT guy that everyone finds attractive. And I'm obsessed with him. But it didn't start out like that. At first, when I first saw him in the hallways, I thought he's pretty good looking and that was it. And later, when our eyes met for the first time, I was like, wow, he's really, really, really good looking. And again, that was it. Then, those feelings grew bigger, and it led to all this.
When I saw him again in my orchestra, I tried to look calm outside, but I was going mad inside. And my feelings grew even bigger when he talked to me. So this is what happened:
I was practicing for my audition for orchestra, and he just came up to me and asked, "Can I hear you?" First, I freaked out. Second, I had to say something. So I did - "Uh sure, but I'm terrible. Eh.. Okay I'll just..." and I started playing. Luckily, I didn't have to play the whole thing because it was my turn to go play for the actual audition. I quickly told him I had to go, and I bolted out the room, without looking back. Except, I couldn't "bolt" out the room with my instrument, but yeah, you get the idea.
Here's the best part: when I came back, he gave me thumbs up, and of course I blushed but I still managed to smile at him. Slightly awkward-smile, though. And he didn't move back to his seat(he was probably bored because he didn't know anyone there), so we started talking. I asked him where he was from, and I found out a few things about him - what grade he is in, and that he's "American-Korean"(that's what he said). He then talked little bit about something else, and we were interrupted by someone. When she was gone, our conductor had came back and he had to go back to his seats.
Afterwards, we started saying hi to each other in the hallways, but other than that, we didn't get a chance to talk. Well, there were a few. I just couldn't do it. Shame on me.
I started obsessing over him because we didn't get to talk after we talked in orchestra, and it just made me more desperate to see him. And the next stage came: rage.
I saw him with a girl, and there was this one, particular girl that he hung out with. They ate lunch together, talked a lot, hung out after lunch... Obviously, I was irritated. I hated her. And I hated him for hanging out with her. And I hated myself for letting myself obsess over a guy. In conclusion, I ended up hating those two, but mostly myself. This led to the next stage, where I didn't admit that I liked him, and I kept denying it. It went for a few hours, possibly a day, but it didn't last too long.
Do I like him now?
YES. I secretly go on to Facebook, and I open my messenger in attempt to say hi to him, but I usually delete it. And go on again, repeat the same process. But in the end, I close the tab and try to distract myself.
Having a crush on someone is extremely painful, especially when you sort of have the idea, or an absolute idea that they don't feel the same way as you do. You keep hoping that he likes you back, but reality is, they don't. Or maybe they do, but my case has been pretty much the opposite. Now I've been through this several times, but I honestly don't think there's a solution. You like him, then you like him. You don't, then you don't. It's that simple. But, I can tell you this. Not admitting your true feelings for your crush doesn't make it any better. It only worsens the pain.
Not to worry though, because there are good parts about having a crush on someone. If he's in your school, there's one thing that makes you want to go to school. And, they make you smile. When you are having a bad day, just picture him. I'm pretty sure it will draw a big smile on your face :) Just thinking about that makes you feel better.
Having a crush isn't so bad. It's rather lucky and fortunate that you've found someone that you love, and that there's person who can put smile on your face just by thinking about them. And hopefully, your crush likes you back, but even if they don't, there's nothing to worry about. More than half of this world's population are men. They are the ones who should be worrying, not us!
xoxo,
Abby
No comments:
Post a Comment